My friend Rick posted two very interesting articles on his blog yesterday. You can read them at http://rickshanley.wordpress.com. He talked about how people complain about their life through their Facebook status and how this is not going to solve anything. He talks more about achieving the “American Dream” and how we all have the power over our own lives. (back to my favorite quote, “The best way to predict your future is to create it”). But the one chord that struck me the most, and it might not even be the “take away” that I was supposed to get from his blog posts, was that today we have completely lost the sense of community that we grew up with, and that our parents grew up with. While technology makes it easier for us to communicate, it is actually making it easier to be apart (I am speaking of physical distance).
My mom had said to me a couple of months ago “It makes me sad that you don’t have more girlfriends your age that you can get together with”. WHAT?!! ”I have a lot of friends! I do monthly girls’ nights out. In fact I just talked to “so-and-so” on Facebook today!”. She paused and then replied, “But who do you have closer to you than a 45 minute trip down I-94?”.
She’s right. We have to post our problems, emotions and recent happenings on Facebook because we don’t have the “over the fence row” conversations anymore. We aren’t friends with our neighbors. (and by neighbors, I don’t mean just the people on either side of you….the whole neighborhood) We don’t have neighborhood cookouts, card game nights, bowling leagues, etc. All the things that I grew up with…..all things I didn’t realize we were missing until I really stopped to think about.
Growing up everyone on my street got together on a regular basis. There were cookouts on the weekends, Wednesday night bowling leagues, Friday night card games. Times when all the kids played together while the adults sat and talked…..face to face. I remember my Mom and Dad being best friends with the other adults on our street. A time when we played outside until the street lights came on because we were a community and our parents knew that everyone had an eye on everyone else. We were more like family than just people that shared the same street. Young Moms had each other to turn to on rough days. They had a support system right out their front door. Friends that could take a little one for a little while until sanity was in sight again. It takes a village to raise a child…….this quote is so true, and today our villages are few and far between.
I know that we live in a different society than the one we grew up in. I know I will never be June Cleaver (or anything close to it). I know that because of dual income families, job transfers, and the way of life we live today that my tribe of friends will be spread up and down I-94, and not over my fence row.
I know that when I am not with them that I miss them dearly, and maybe this makes the time we do get to spend together mean even more. I also know that if I ever really needed anything they would be on my doorstep in a flash. (or 45 minutes depending on traffic.)
And until we can get together again to break bread and share conversation face to face at least we have Facebook. :)
And tribe….can you imagine if we did all live on the same cul-de-sac? :)
Do you have friends who aren’t on Facebook? Who don’t really text? And, because of it, seem sort of “old fashioned”? I know a few people like this and at times I envy them. Really, what are they missing? Perhaps not much. They don’t seem to have the need (or time) to be constantly connected. They communicate with people in a traditional way, in a way that takes effort and time.
I think if we were forced to go without for a week, we’d realize we aren’t missing too much. I kind of like it when I spend the weekend somewhere without my computer or when I leave my phone in the car. It forces me to slow down, clears the noise from my head.
Yes, I do! Several of them REFUSE to get on Facebook. We talk on the phone (gasp!).
I enjoyed reading this piece, thank you for writing it- I agree with all that you said, and in addition I loved it because you were writing about my childhood neighborhood too. There were card games and tents that we made in each others living rooms, 4th of July parties, trips to the store with you and your mother and me and mine. Bike rides, catching fire flies, swing sets and more. I look back and think to myself how lucky we were. Our parents still married, we had what we needed, we played outside until we were drop dead tired!! What a life we had!
Meri you are SO right! I look back at our childhood with great memories and realize how lucky we were! All of the gatherings are vivid memories for me, especially the 4th of July ones at your house! Trips to H&B, swimming in your pool, cutting through your Grandma’s yard to get in between our houses…..we were a family and did everything together. We had a wonderful childhood!
This is very true. It is sad how we loose the closeness people used to share. It was so different when my mom was growing up too. She had a whole street of stay at home moms for support during the day. Staying at home during this decade can be very lonely. When I lived downtown in my older home with sidewalks etc., we would talk to our neighbors everyday alomost in the summer. It was really nice! Since moving to our sub, we don’t really have that now. Although we do make it a point of getting to know our neighbors. I really enjoyed your post on this!