the more you do, the more you learn…..

Those of you who know me, will know why this photo is relevant to this post.

And, sometimes the more you learn about the town and some of the people in it….the less you want to do.

Living in a small town has its advantages.  I will be the first to admit that I love the fact that when I walk downtown I see a familiar face around every turn.  I know almost every business owner downtown, and they in turn, know me and my family.  I like to order “the usual” at the coffee shop, and LOVE it when they start making it the minute I walk in the door.  Everyone is greeted with a smile and a “nice day out today, isn’t it?”.  I giggle at the fact that our former mayor is the town barber.  One of our firefighters is also an ambulance driver and works at the funeral home.  Everyone is related to everyone else “somewhere down the line”.  Your house is not in fact “yours” until you have lived in it 30 years, and until that day comes, is lovingly referred to as “insert former owner’s name here”‘s house.

We look out for our own, most of the time.  We are almost like family (well, most that live here are family).

There within that last sentence is the flaw to this Norman Rockwell existence.  We are almost like family.

Family in the way that we can band together to get something done.  Spend months and months together to accomplish a goal.  Do something that no one else thought possible.  Other family members may have doubted us in the beginning, but were there patting us on the back when it was done, and never admitting their doubt, saying “we knew you could do it all along”.

Family in the way of forgiveness.  We forgive those who have wronged us in the past and are willing to pull up our boot straps and go to battle for them once again, for the betterment of many.  Family, in the way of forgetting how they have wronged us in the past, and pushing ahead, thinking in the back of our minds, “they can’t possibly do that to me again”.

As I write this, I know you are thinking that calling this small town a “family” is a stretch.  It is.  That is why I said “almost like a family”.

My definition of family is this (and I have to say that some of my closest friends are more like family to me than just friends):

• They will ALWAYS be there to support you.
• They will ALWAYS love you no matter what battle you are fighting (even if they disagree with your position).
• They will ALWAYS be there to help you when you need them, and you, in turn, would drop everything for them.
• They would NEVER take credit for something you have done to better themselves.  Instead they would be your biggest cheering section.
• Your family walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

So, if I may take a liberty here and change my opinion.  The flaw in living in a small town is this:   it is not like a family at all, because if it were, people wouldn’t give up on it so quickly, and those of us who are not giving up on it wouldn’t be so bruised and battered after hanging on for so long.

the only people you talk to aren’t on facebook…..

So, I have completed my week without Facebook.  I have to say there is not much to report.  No one called.  No one dropped me an email to see how I was.  No one sent a random text just because.

 I dropped off Facebook for the week…..I dropped off the face of the Earth for a week.

We have come so accustomed to communicating through electronic means that we have de-programmed ourselves from picking up the phone, or better yet, the pen.  I am just as guilty.  I did not pick up the phone this week or write a letter.  I am really quite sad about it too.  I missed hearing about everyone’s days, children and happenings yet I never did anything about it.  I knew that today I would log on and get caught up on everyone’s week.  See pictures of friends’ children that graduated over the weekend, get caught up on the birthdays I missed and see new friends that found me over the course of the week.  

Facebook is a great way to keep up with friends and find old ones…… let’s just not let it be the ONLY way.

everyone knows your name…..

My friend Rick posted two very interesting articles on his blog yesterday.  You can read them at http://rickshanley.wordpress.com.  He talked about how people complain about their life through their Facebook status and how this is not going to solve anything.  He talks more about achieving the “American Dream” and how we all have the power over our own lives.  (back to my favorite quote, “The best way to predict your future is to create it”).  But the one chord that struck me the most, and it might not even be the “take away” that I was supposed to get from his blog posts, was that today we have completely lost the sense of community that we grew up with, and that our parents grew up with.  While technology makes it easier for us to communicate, it is actually making it easier to be apart (I am speaking of physical distance).

My mom had said to me a couple of months ago “It makes me sad that you don’t have more girlfriends your age that you can get together with”.  WHAT?!!  ”I have a lot of friends!  I do monthly girls’ nights out.  In fact I just talked to “so-and-so” on Facebook today!”.  She paused and then replied, “But who do you have closer to you than a 45 minute trip down I-94?”.  

She’s right.  We have to post our problems, emotions and recent happenings on Facebook because we don’t have the “over the fence row” conversations anymore.  We aren’t friends with our neighbors.  (and by neighbors, I don’t mean just the people on either side of you….the whole neighborhood)  We don’t have neighborhood cookouts, card game nights, bowling leagues, etc.  All the things that I grew up with…..all things I didn’t realize we were missing until I really stopped to think about.  

Growing up everyone on my street got together on a regular basis.  There were cookouts on the weekends, Wednesday night bowling leagues, Friday night card games.  Times when all the kids played together while the adults sat and talked…..face to face.  I remember my Mom and Dad being best friends with the other adults on our street.  A time when we played outside until the street lights came on because we were a community and our parents knew that everyone had an eye on everyone else.  We were more like family than just people that shared the same street.   Young Moms had each other to turn to on rough days.  They had a support system right out their front door.  Friends that could take a little one for a little while until sanity was in sight again.  It takes a village to raise a child…….this quote is so true, and today our villages are few and far between.  

I know that we live in a different society than the one we grew up in.  I know I will never be June Cleaver (or anything close to it).  I know that because of dual income families, job transfers, and the way of life we live today that my tribe of friends will be spread up and down I-94, and not over my fence row.  

I know that when I am not with them that I miss them dearly, and maybe this makes the time we do get to spend together mean even more.  I also know that if I ever really needed anything they would be on my doorstep in a flash. (or 45 minutes depending on traffic.)

And until we can get together again to break bread and share conversation face to face at least we have Facebook.  :)

And tribe….can you imagine if we did all live on the same cul-de-sac?  :)

you can find the answer to life’s questions at the toy store.

My last blog post was about Mother’s Day.  This blog post is about how I will not be in the running for the “Mom of the Year” award in 2009. 

My son Grant is 5 (going on 35).  He is funny, SMART, musically inclined (thanks to his Daddy), and has an imagination that doesn’t stop!  His imagination gets the best of him on a regular occasion.  Lately he has decided that he is afraid of bugs.  No bugs in particular, just ALL bugs.  This latest phobia comes at a very inopportune time…….SUMMER!!!  (Why could this not happen during the winter when there are no bugs around?)  His screams can be heard across all of Marshall when even a gnat is within his personal space.  Blood curtling screams erupt when a bug dares to land on his arm.  He is frozen in fear when a bzzzzzzzzzzz is within ear shot.  This fear had gotten to the point that he didn’t even want to play outside.  So, I thought to myself “this has got to stop!  We are not spending our entire summer inside.  I have to figure something out!”.

I had convinced him that bugs wouldn’t bother us if we walked downtown to the toy store.  He seemed to buy it and off we went. I was on a mission!  I knew that the toy store downtown held the solution to my current dilemma!  It was $6.95 and would afford us a summer full of days outside in the sunshine! 

Grant LOVES science experiments and anything that has to do with learning about habitats.  (which is why I am so puzzled about the whole bug phobia…)  When we arrived at the Toy Barn I set out to find my treasure.  There was one left!  Hooray!!  I quickly purchased it and then showed it to Grant.  The “Watch Bug”.  A small habitat for a bug that you can wear on your wrist like a watch!  He LOVED it and immediately wanted to leave the toy store and go find a bug to put in it! 

We set out on a search for the best bug we could find.  Not far outside of the Toy Barn we found the biggest, fattest, carpentar ant.  Perfect!  I caught it, put it in the habitat and Grant walked 1 mile home with it on his wrist.  Talked to it the WHOLE way home; named it (Leo by the way, in case you were wondering); told it what they were going to play when they arrived home; told me that Leo was his best friend and he LOVED bugs now!  I floated home.  I had solved a problem.  1 point for Mommy!  YEAH! 

We got home and he wanted to take Leo inside the house.  I told him that we could for a little while but then we had to let Leo go because he needed food, water, the rest of his family, etc.  I also reminded Grant of the small button on the habitat that if he pushed it, would open the net and Leo would escape.  He promised he would not push it because he wanted to keep Leo safe.  Deal.  Inside we went.

Once inside I decided to run down into our basement to start a load of laundry.  I was downstairs but one minute when I heard the familar blood curtling scream.  I sprinted up the stairs into the living room to find the habitat open and Leo running up Grant’s arm.  Grant was at this point screaming and crying.  Mommy instinct kicked in.  I swatted the ant to the floor and ………. squashed it.  Oh crap……

“YOU KILLED LEO!!!!!!!!!”.  Screams of fear turned into hiccup crying over a dead ant.  “I wasn’t ready for you to squish him yet Mom!  He was my pet!  My best friend”.

Yup.  There goes the Mom of the Year award, right out the front door with a flat Leo the Ant.

everyone slows down and takes time for Mom…..

I remember my Mom telling me when I was in high school that I would “understand” one day……when I had children of my own.  

I now know what she meant.

Mother’s Day has a whole new meaning now that I am a Mom of two small children.  Not because I am the one getting the handwritten cards and paper flowers with pipe cleaner stems, but because I know now how my Mother’s heart felt  the day I took my first step….when I fell and broke my front tooth….the day I started kindergarten…the day I moved out……the day I got married…….the day she watched as I became a Mother.

The day you become a Mom the whole world changes.  It gets really scary.  The pavement seems harder.  The corners on furniture are sharper.  The stairs steeper.  The diseases deadlier.  You are now the protector of this precious life that you carried in your body for 40 weeks.  You never knew your heart could grow so big.  You never knew you were so strong and yet so vulnerable at the very same time.  Your heart breaks with each fall and grows twice as big with the next triumph.  You know the peace that only comes from a sleeping baby warm in your embrace.   You can manage on surprisingly little sleep.  You can feel happy, sad, mad, glad, frustrated and elated all in the course of about two minutes.  

You now completely understand the definition of “unconditional”.   You realize your Mom really was right……..about everything.

I got to do one of my favorite things today.  Watch baseball.  Outside.

There is just something about watching a baseball game on a perfect Spring day that gives me the warm fuzzies.  There is no other experience that can top walking into the stadium, smelling the freshly cut grass and the hot grills.  Hearing the ball hit hard on the leather palm of the players mitts as they warm up.   Something in me just lets go and a wave of nostalgia takes over.  

I have to admit that I am a bit of a stadium snob.  I am not a big fan of the “new” stadiums.  Too shiny.  Too sterile.  No character.  I want the ivy.  I want to watch the people watching the game from their rooftops across center field.  I don’t want to be hit with commercials, electronic megatrons and flashy light shows.  I don’t want to watch pumped up giants run a home run derby every game.  I want a good old fashioned baseball game, the way it was meant to be played.  

Today I went to a farm league game.  The stadium wasn’t fancy, but the smells and sounds were all there.  The weather was perfect.  The game was close.  My husband’s 8th grade band played the National Anthem on the field.  I sat next to my kids and shared with them America’s past time.

It was the perfect day.

heros are not figures of myth or legend, they are your friends……

Last night I had the great privledge of being invited to the Marshall Community Foundation’s Donor Appreciation Night.  I was there both as a grantee and a donor.  Probably one of the few times it feels good to be on both sides of the fence! 

As a Grantee I was asked by the Foundation to put together a small display demonstrating how the grant funds were used on our project.  G.I.F.T (Give to the Fountain Today) received a $10,000 grant directly from the Marshall Community Foundation and 693 individual donations through the Foundation for a total of $189,000.  I was very much looking forward to this opportunity to express my appreciation to all of the donors face to face.  I have placed my signature upon all 693 of those thank you letters, but was eager to shake their hands.   I set up early yesterday afternoon and was anxiously awaiting the evening festivities.  

When I arrived back at the Franke Center for the Arts the celebration was in full swing.  The room was wall to wall people.  Laughter, smiles and hugs came easily.  The conversations consisted of congratulatory remarks, praise and pride.  I took my place behind the G.I.F.T table and quickly became one with the buzz of the room.

Soon, Sherry Anderson, the Executive Director of the Marshall Community Foundation, called us all upstairs for a special presentation in the auditorium.  People were reluctant to end their conversations, but followed rank and file upstairs to take their seats.  The lights dimmed, the screen came up and before us began a slide show documenting all the projects that have been funded through the Community Foundation, made possible by its donors.  The presentation had a resounding theme, “Heros”.   

As I looked around that auditorium last night I saw all familiar faces, all people that I have worked with, who have volunteered for me, who have given me their time and their friendship.  A tear came to my eye and a lump rose in my throat as I realized that I was surrounded by heros everyday.  Everything that happens in this small town is because of one person that takes it upon themselves to make it happen.  Heros are not of myth or legend here in Marshall, they walk beside you every day, and I am blessed to call them my friends.

the photo in the paper tomorrow will be the one you took with your phone…..

In a small town everything is news, or at least we make it seem that way.  

Every Saturday morning we look forward to getting our local paper delivered to our front porch.  We never really know when it will arrive, be it morning or mid-afternoon.  It really depends on the weather and what time our delivery person can will themselves out of bed.  Once it arrives however, it is lingered over, every page read, every photo scanned.  We carefully take the pulse of our small town through what we read in that Saturday paper.  

Now, I have to admit, more often than not, the paper is a point of frustration for me.  You see, as the Director of a non-profit, I rely on the press releases I submit to advertise my events.  Since our paper only comes out once a week, I have only that one chance to reach my audience of 6800 people.  One chance to entice them to come to my museums.  One chance to thank my donors for their recent support.  One chance.  The odds do not stack well in my favor.  

I used to work for WOTV-ABC 41, an ABC affiliate in Battle Creek.  I was in the marketing department and I understand what it means to be pre-empted.  We did it all the time to the little guys.  If a larger national account wanted a time slot that was currently sold to a small local account we would simply pre-empt the little guy.  We would justify it by airing their ad more often in another time slot (usually at 2 a.m. in between the Snuggie and Sham-Wow infomercials).  We felt bad about it….for about a minute….and then we got over it. 

I have to admit when I get my hands on our paper I read it twice.  First, I tear through it to see if my stuff made it in or if I was pre-empted. This week I was pleasantly surprised that my article made it in.  Yeah!  One point for the little guy!  My confidence in our little homegrown paper is growing!  That is until tonight…..

Tonight I went to the city council meeting.  I was on the agenda and had to go.    As I took my seat in council chambers Larry Schuler (owner of Schuler’s Restaurant) sat behind me.  I looked and he was on the agenda too!  The Mayor was proclaiming that April 23rd be Schuler’s Day in Marshall to celebrate 100 years in business and Larry was there to accept this proclamation and do the ceremonious hand shake with the Mayor.  I turned to Larry and congratulated him on such an honor.  100 years in business is quite the accomplishment and Schuler’s put Marshall on the map.  ”This is sure to make into Saturday’s paper” I thought to myself.  A little guy is going to get pre-empted for this story for sure!

The Mayor announced the proclamation, read it aloud and invited Larry up to the bench to accept it.  As Larry approached the Mayor I see the writer from our paper frantically searching for something in her purse.  The Mayor is stalling, obviously sensing her urgency.  Larry reaches for the Mayor’s hand for the ceremonious hand shake.  They pose, proclamation in one hand and the other hand extended in a friendly, frozen, hand shake so as to not blur the photo.  She looks up in disbelief……she forgot her camera.

Will this historic moment only be witnessed by those in council chambers?  

Thanks to our Main Street Manager’s Blackberry we will have a 1 megapixel record of it on her Facebook page.  But as for the story appearing in our local paper…..well I guess you will just have to wait along with me until it arrives next Saturday…….

….the fountain in the center of town, not Mother Nature, dictates the seasons.

For the past nine months I have been working to raise the needed funds to save the Brooks Memorial Fountain in the center of Marshall.  This fountain was built in 1930 and originally dedicated at Marshall’s centennial celebration.  The work is almost complete and we plan to re-dedicate the Fountain on May 16th at 11 a.m.  As we come to a close on Phase I of the fundraising it amazes me how a small town can rally together for something they all believe in.  The community of Marshall raised $250,000 in just nine months!!  We had piggy banks emptied and turned in, kids did their own pop can drives and rummage sales selling their old toys, held talent shows, bake sales and pancake breakfasts.  The generosity of the people of this small town in this economic climate has touched me very deeply and I realize how truly blessed I am to call Marshall “home”.  

(this was published in the Marshall Advisor on Saturday April 18, 2009)

Winter leaves us with a sense of longing.  At the end of a long winter we all yearn for that first green shoot to peek out from under the snow.  That first sign that spring is really coming back, that it hasn’t left us with a cold, barren landscape and gray skies.  Yet, we tend to forget that while things are cold and frozen on the surface, deep below the ground wonderful transformations are taking place. Nature is working its magic so that when warmer weather returns there is a jubilant celebration.  Mother Nature shows off once again and reminds us why we endure these wicked Michigan winters.  “What does this have to do with the Fountain (or lack there of at the current moment)?” you may ask.  It has everything to do with the Fountain!  During the winter months while we have endured seeing the Brooks Memorial Fountain in less than her normal splendor, wonderful things have been happening below the surface!  City workers have been diligently working to replace electrical systems, run conduit, replacing plumbing, installing new pumps, motors and relays.   New columns have been cast, sent for approval and delivered awaiting their grand unveiling.  New LED lights have been ordered and sit patiently under the surface for  that faithful evening in May when they too can show off their colors.   Warmer weather has finally arrived and so the flurry of activity below ground is now evident, not only in our gardens but at the Fountain as well!  The old columns are being carefully removed and the new ones set into place.  The final coat of sealer, primer and paint will be applied to the entire fountain.  The new circular concrete surround will be poured.  All the park benches have been refinished and will be placed so that admirers can spend a lazy summer evening basking in the glow of the Fountain’s light show.  The transformation will be complete on May 16, 2009 and while the official start of summer isn’t until June 21, we in Marshall know that when the Fountain is turned on, summer has arrived!  The Give to the Fountain Today committee has been working tirelessly on raising the needed funds to make this restoration project possible.  In just nine short months we have raised $250,000.  This is such a wonderful tribute to the community of Marshall!  Now, with May 16^th quickly approaching, time is of the essence!  If everyone in Marshall gave just $5, the cost of your favorite latte or value meal, we would exceed our repair bills and begin to build the endowment fund for future fountain restorations.  We would like to invite you to Fountain Park on May 16^th at 11 a.m. as we re-dedicate the Brooks Memorial Fountain.  Join us for SOFO (South of the Fountain) later that day, from 3 to 7 p.m., at the Dark Horse Brewing Company for a celebration and silent auction.  The Fountain was a gift to the city and the citizens have given back.  Let’s celebrate and honor our beacon of hospitality as she stands in the center of town ready to greet those who are just passing by, those who sit by her side and those who hold memories of her in their heart.  What would Marshall be without her Fountain?  Thankfully we will never have to find out.

….folks think that growth is a good thing, but maybe it ought to wait until there are more folks in town to make it worthwhile.

Everywhere you turn there is growth, change and development.  We can’t stop it.  We can try and prevent it, but why should we?  Or, maybe a better question is why “would” we?  

I went downtown today.  Now, in a small town this might seem like a daily activity not worth mentioning.  For most people it is.  I am not most people.  (My friend Mike calls me an “un-official” city official.  He is an official city official so he knows.)  A trip downtown for me requires that I afford myself at least an afternoon.  In that afternoon I may get half a block.  But, in that afternoon I will have listened to the heartbeat of a small town.  Talked with people on the street who love this town with their whole being and know what this town needs, and for sure what it doesn’t.  They will tell me how things “used to be done”, what things “used to be like”, and how things will be “IF” something new and different comes to town.  They also talk about how no one comes to town anymore.  Store fronts are empty, businesses are closing and when people do come to town they are only here on their way to someplace else.  They talk about the desire to be a “destination”.  They then look at me as if to say, “What can you do to help?”.  

Emotionally exhausted from both the passion and the defeat I hear in their voices,  I begin my walk back to my car.   My thoughts turn to Home Tour weekend….my museums….new events that could bring more people downtown.  I can’t help but notice the signs in some of the store windows.  Here is what I see:

Hours:

Monday:  Not open

Tuesday:  10-5

Wednesday: 10-5

Thursday: 10-5

Friday: 10-5

Saturday: 10-5

Sunday: Closed

Today there was even a sign on a store that said “On Vacation“, with no indication of when they would return.  We want to be everything that a destination is, but we want nothing to do with what being a destination means.  

I get back to my car, which I proudly parked on Main St., to find a parking ticket displayed prominently in the center of my windshield.  I didn’t have any pennies on me today and our “part-time” parking meter enforcer was out in full force.  (Who still has penny meters anyway?)

I sit for a moment in my car, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face.  I know what I need to do and I can only hope that the path less traveled is the right road to take.